Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
no, he came in my armpit
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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