How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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