I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
