"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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