hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
