i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
