I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize