Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
