His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
