Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
