$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
