Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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