My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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