Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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