this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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