Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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