That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We were destined to go to rehab together
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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