Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize