you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize