Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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