I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All I want is dick and wine.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize