This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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