Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You're like the curious george of whores
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
