filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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