every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
