Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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