don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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