Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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