I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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