States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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