Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If I had your ass I would rule the world
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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