I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
