This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i came on her dog
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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