I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
