i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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