I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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