He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
