I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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