I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
is wine microwaveable?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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