I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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