Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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