just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
