so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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