I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
