Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize