woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also, beer. Big fan.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
