my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I understand Curling. That high.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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