This girl is more easily done than said...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
