3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Randomize
