I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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