Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
