:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
