I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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