Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
