remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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