I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
