Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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