i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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