i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
