His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just threw up on my dentist
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize