hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
