I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
