dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
