If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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