We won't sleep together?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
