Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
