if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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