You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
