I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize