My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
