these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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