When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
