Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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