idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
