oh god the rape fog is back!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
