I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
